Ugly Birds & Other Short Stories [Part 1]
Okay, I know what you’re thinking, “ugly birds?!” Yes, but make it Therapy on Following Through… so welcome therapy, part 1.
What’s up friends 🤗 How have you been? How is your Course Correction journey fairing?
As I mentioned in the last article, we’re gonna dive into a few old pieces I wanted to write when I started this blog back in 2020. However, I didn’t write those pieces out of shame.
Why?
Like many of us do, when I started my blog, it was with a lot of enthusiasm. I was so motivated, and so driven, and so determined, and so convinced how I’d ‘change the world’ forever, you know? I was so sure of what the goal and purpose was, and could see the end so clearly.
Have you not been there yourself? Where on day one, or the early stages of starting something new , you were so on fire?
Well, I burned fiercely, fervently and passionately for the idea of having a blog, and that the world would finally “ bear witness to my talents!” Haha, allow me to laugh. The italicized text is actually a quote from the Netflix Series, Bridgerton, Season 2. The words were by the Bridgerton sibling by name Benedict. He’s an artist- charcoal and paint — and in this particular moment when he said these words, he had just received news that he’d been accepted into the Cambridge Arts Program — but he was also as high as a kite from psychedelics! The Bridgerton series in set in the early 1800s… so it must have been quite the achievement to be accepted into such a prestigious institution. In his alternative state of mind, haha, induced by what looked like a psychedelics overdose, upon hearing this news, he ran towards the large living room windows, and shouted into the vast blank of night, “you shall all bear witness to my taleeeents!”
Anyhow, all I’m trying to say with this Bridgerton quote, is that like Benedict, when I wrote my very first blog on 8th December 2020, I felt like I’d summited the Himalayas, and was so sure I’d remain there forever. You know, like we all do? I was so so high on feelings of enthusiasm, you couldn’t tell me that in less than a week I’d have lost my momentum. You also couldn’t tell me then that I’d stop writing for almost three years, or worse still, that in these three years, I’d suffer the worst case of the shame of failure. You know, the way voices in our heads rise to accuse and mock us that “we barely stood, how could we expect that we can ever amount to anything?”
This is why “Ugly Birds” matters. Because it is an article, part of about 50 article ideas I’d jotted down for my blog, but never wrote… and the inner saboteur voice in my head took everyday to remind me what a sore loser I was, that I’d even noted down the ideas and not executed them. This inner saboteur voice would say how even my own written vision stood as a witness to my failure, because it was written down but not ticked as completed.
My dearest sojourner in Course Correction, I could almost call you loved right now. I wish to take this moment to encourage you. If you have ever been to the “Himalayas summit” like me, and then just “fell off the face of the earth”, Let “Ugly Birds” be a love letter for you. What I mean is, if you have suffered shame from within for failure to be consistent with things you started of your own will, let this be an encouragement to face your shame Headon. i.e, May my taking up to write articles my own inner voice has been mocking me for conceptualizing but not writing be a push for you. May it give you the strength to confront your shame, and do the things you can still do that you intended to in the past but didn’t, especially if it’s things that are still relevant.
Allow me a side note: That course correction may not necessarily mean you doing everything you ever intenteded to do but didn’t. Sometimes, it can be an acknowledgement that you didn’t do those things… but that you will — with a lot of self compassion — allow yourself to attempt doing new things again. Not everything we may have intended to do in the past may have been of benefit to ourselves or anyone anyway. Allow your heart to accept this — so that you no longer live in the shame of feeling as if you owe, or have debts within your own soul, to your own soul. Hope that makes sense.
Side note No. 2, I’m currently reading this book , “Following Through- a revolutionary new model for finishing whatever you start” by Steve Levinson PhD and Pete Greider M.Ed. One of the main messages of the book is that we need to forgive ourselves — like completely, without ever looking back to punish ourselves for those things again- for not following through. As you can tell, the writers are scholars in psychology, and thus they have extensively studied this “pandemic” of poor follow through. With their extensive knowledge, and studies, and collaborative research, allow me to paraphrase some of the discoveries they made :
“Poor follow through among human beings is actually what’s more normal and natural than not following through. Why? Because, according to research, our brain wiring is faulty. It makes us think that our good intentions should mean that our high enthusiasm will automatically result in good outcomes, namely, that we are going to execute the intention. However, in truth, the faculty for intention and action are two different ones, and they don’t necessarily work together. When we fail to follow through, we beat ourselves up, and feel so guilty and ashamed, making conclusions such as, It must be me. It is me who’s the problem. I’m the one who’s a mess. I’m the one who can’t follow through . I’m the one who is inconsistent.”
What they suggest in this book is that first we should understand that actually, it’s not our fault that we struggle with follow through. It’s all in the faulty brain wiring.
This said, I’m not suggesting that we should abandon accountability. I’m not saying that we do not have a responsibility to follow through. No, far from it.
I’m sharing the knowledge, as a truth. The Bible says that, “When you know the truth, it shall set you free”.
My hope is that this knowledge sets you free in some way- liberates you in some way- from the accusations of your own mind against you. I would like to believe that knowing that our minds are wired to believe that intentions automatically result in action — and yet this is not the case, reality is altogether different — enables you to at least have an easier time extending grace, kindness and forgiveness towards yourself.
As I said though, the goal of sharing this knowledge is not to encourage laziness, and/or lack of accountability. As you can see, I’m already here, following through with some of my past commitments that I feel are still relevant to today. I’m busy collecting evidence that I’m actually capable of following through. I hope you let yourself see the exercise of reading this article, in and of itself, as you collecting evidence that you’ve put in effort to equip yourself to be better at following through.
I highly encourage that if you can, get a copy of the said book, “Following Through”. I’m about to get into the chapters about how to work with the fault in our brain wiring to actually get better at following through.
Allow me to conclude this thought, that we’re not in anyway encouraging laziness or lack of accountability. I’d I’d like to do that by a direct quote from the book,
“What it takes to adopt an intention, and what it takes to follow through on that intentions are entirely separate matters. Failing to understand this difference is the root of many follow-through failures…. [However], We may joke about it, but our failure to follow through on our intentions is really no laughing matter- not when we actually consider how much it costs us.”
My emphasis in concluding this thought is the highlighted text.
Think of the cost of our deliberate failure to follow through on promises we made to ourselves. Think of the promises we have made to ourselves on diet, career, family, relationships, exercise- and then imagine what it could have been like if we had fulfilled them- and then take the reality dose that we didn’t actually do them. The cost is in every imaginable area of our lives — it’s our health, finances, mental health (coz of all that shame of failure to follow through). The cost is all the stress, the shame, the regrets, the strained or even now non-existent relationships because we probably sabotaged them in our failure to follow through. The cost is our peace of mind, and so much more.
So please, make no mistake, and do not quote me, that I said “it was not our fault that we didn’t follow through”. I hope this last paragraph has sufficiently demonstrated just how critical it is that we follow through. I am also sure that you don’t need a reminder of how high the cost of inaction in our lives has been- I’m pretty sure you have the receipts- our wom lives can testify to the cost of inaction.
However, I’m also not emphasizing on cost to condemn you all over. Rather, consider the emphasis like the love of a good parent (haha, you call me mother 😂😂, your Course Correct momma). I’m not a parent, but from reading the bible I’ve seen that God rebukes those whom He loves. The end goal of rebuking is not to condemn and leave one in shame. Rather, it is to point out the error, and it’s cost, but also guide on how to proceed in a manner that redeems the person and the situation.
So, I hope you feel both the sting of correction and the embrace of love in this message. I hope you see that it’s okay for you to finally forgive yourself over all that guilt you’ve been holding against yourself, but also realize that it does not mean the work is over. There’s still so much to do. I hope this article has given you the psychological insight on the complex duality of our minds in terms of intention and action.
Above all, I pray that you feel both liberated and encouraged, and challenged to Course Correct- ie, That you will resolve to correct the cost of inaction/ poor follow through in your life, but from a place of love and not condemnation.
So, anyways, these Ugly Birds… what are they? Where are they? Where did they come from? Why are they ugly? Why are we even talking about ugly birds?! Is there such a thing …
Well, as your momma 😂😂, allow me to say, “Patience. Patience my child 😂. In due time, the story of the birds, the ugly birds, will be revealed”.
What I mean is, today was part one- Stay tuned to the next article for the actual story of the birds.
As always, written with all my love. It’s Course Correct momma 🤣, Risper.
(Also, I truly hope this was coherent enough, and that it has made sense to you. If yes, at least drop a comment/feedback, so that I can give you the very very best possible)
Shalom, see you.
